You know, It's really hard to decide on what to write about here. Not because I don't have much to talk about; not because I don't have a million and one ideas or thoughts running through my mind of things to say.... but because I get a bit overwhelmed when deciding on the one topic to write about on any specific day/night. Is that silly?

Truth is, I get overwhelmed a lot. With emotion over any given situation/event that I'm dealing with at the time. But, I try to deal with it all with grace and patience..... I just usually fail miserably. 

I don't have much patience, in general. I don't know why... but if I have to wait for ANYthing, it's usually pretty much a failed effort after the first ten minutes. I guess patience is kind of a hard thing to come by with anyone these days.... the world wants everything NOW and I've come to realize that waiting is usually just an annoyance that most people can't afford anymore. 

Today, I took Ethan to Mcdonalds for lunch. I try really hard to remind myself A LOT throughout the day to "be in the moment" with my kids. Especially when I only see one of my kids roughly 8 weeks out of the year.... but I digress.... So, in an effort to "be in the moment" today, I made it a point not to open the laptop OR the tablet that I'd brought into Mcdonalds (Mcdonalds has free wifi, so I tend to gravitate there a lot if I have work to do online and I want to get out of the house to do it).... Well, I made it a point not to open either device and to actually -gasp- have a conversation with my 2.5 year old at lunch. 

Anyway, he finished most of his lunch, and in an effort to "treat" him for this, I let him have his toy to play with while we were still there. I was showing him how to work the toy, and he; like his mommy; got very impatient and took the toy from me to try and figure it out himself. I watched him for a second, Mr. Independent that he is... and I wondered as I saw his face intent and hard staring at this toy and trying to figure it out; and then growing frustrated and impatient and throwing it down on the floor and running away. I picked it up and called him back over to the table. I said "Let mommy show you how it works, ok?" And he responded with "o-k mommy"..... 

The next ten minutes was spent with him and I laughing and going back and forth with this toy; making the disc fly into the air, and he was cracking up. It's the kind of laugh that makes me smile just thinking back on it now......

We left the restaurant and were walking back to the car. I was telling him we had to hurry because we were heading somewhere else... Well, every mom knows that when you tell a kid to hurry.... well, it never goes well. 

Anyway, He was being quite the slow poke getting in his seat, and I got a bit frustrated and rolled my eyes and sighed. Well, it was then that the elderly lady that was sitting in the car next to us opened her door and said to me "I just wanted to tell you--- I've been watching you with him in the restaurant and now-- and you have incredible patience with him" That, of course, made me smile and thank her and feel so grateful for the opportunity to truly know what it means to "be in the moment". To have the ability to make memories with my kids. To be able to give them memories that they may or may not remember for a long time to come.... or may or may not think about on those moments or days or times when they need something to chase that black cloud away. 

I don't have a lot of money, and god knows I can't take my kids on cruises or to disney world every year; and god knows there are times more often than I'd like to think about that I am literally contemplating if I will have to break into my kids' piggy banks for gas money today..... but I have faith and somehow, someway..... it always seems to be just enough. 

I try to teach my kids to appreciate what they have. That is probably one of the most important lessons I want to instill in them. Be grateful for what you have, and APPRECIATE the sacrifices and work and efforts that went into getting you what you have. Take nothing for granted. That's really important to me to teach my boys. 

What's the most important lesson you hope to bestow upon yours?

Until next time,
Just another one.

In case you were wondering.... it's been hard. 

The pain that has been in my life has been incredibly hard. But the joy that I have felt and the memories that I hold onto in my heart make the pain less hardened. 

I have two amazing children. 

Ethan, who is 2.5 is a strong willed, fiercely independent, incredibly frustrating, amazingly sweet little boy. He's 2, going on 30... which is a fantastic thing to watch every day because he was born 2 months premature. Ethan gave me the most difficult time on his journey into the world. I questioned everything and all of me every single day. I'll talk more about that later.

Elijah, well he's my wonderful, trying, impatient, affectionate 9.5 year old. Elijah is my heart. He's my number 1, my first.... my loyal, loving, little man. He has always been so loving to us; even when the world doesn't seem right to him. Even when people say or do bad things in front of; to; or around him. Elijah is the reason I still have faith. 

My children are where crazy meets laughter. 

On any given day, I question myself a million and one times. Just like any other mom. Ever since finding out about being pregnant with Elijah, and then 8 years later,  Ethan.... I've often wondered if I've been unknowingly cast in a neverending episode of "Punked!" or "Candid Camera!" .... between trying to juggle parenting a child that lives 500 miles away; and trying to be an advocate for a 2.5 year old mildly special needs child.... There isn't more than a minute or two that is actually MINE in a day, even long after said children are long asleep in bed. 

Take, for instance, the fact that right now, I am half watching a movie on lifetime. I've rewound the same 30 second dialogue between one semi-homicidal wife and her ex nanny-turned-lover to her husband. (I think that's what I've gotten out of the three times I've half listened to it anyway)... while I'm doing this, I'm also watching Ethan sleep, and running through in my mind if I remembered A-Z of the list of routine bedtime functions we do daily. Is it warm enough in here? Is he wearing warm enough PJ's? Is he sweating? Did I remember to kiss him goodnight? Was I too impatient with him today? Did I yell at him a lot? What is it that I am supposed to take him to tomorrow again? Wait.... HOW the hell can he possibly SLEEP like THAT?? 

See what I mean? Where the crazy meets laughter. 

Until next time,
Just another one.